God is in His Heaven, All is Right With the World

I am a person of very marginal faith. To be quite honest, I cannot even recall the last time that I felt I had any kind of connection with religion. And you know what? I am fine with that. I don't feel that I need to put all of my rotten eggs into one Easter basket, so to speak, in order to save myself from whatever horrible shit might lay ahead once I am dead and gone. I wont be one of those people who spend their entire adult life searching for the religion that is right for them. Does that even begin to make sense to anyone? It's not like going out 3 months before prom, and trying to find the perfect dress to lose your virginity in. It is a faith. An unflappable extension of who you feel that you are, and what you connect to on a different level. Well, I do not connect to anything which promotes lifestyles that are generally more unhealthy than the one that I am currently living. I hate enough shit as it is, I don't need an entire organization to contribute to my delinquency. Why do you think so many people are finding religion in prison? It's not because Jesus just happens to be hiding out in the rec area of every correctional facility, or working on his criminal justice degree as an intern at Las Cruces. No, it is not because of that. It is because desperate times call for desperate measures. Do you really believe these people when they say that it took something truly horrible in their lives to occur in order for them to see the light of God? Really? Was it completely necessary for you to go on your rape, and kidnapping spree before you were able to hear the calling of God? Well, what kind of God are you associating yourself with?
I, by no means, am any kind of exceptional person. However, I do not feel that I can really have that much going against me in terms of possibly going somewhere cool once this whole life is over. I don't feel that just because I have some reservations about proclaiming myself as a firm believer in mythology, and folklore that I am going to be cast off into some dark Eden. I'm not calling God a faggot, or anything ridiculous like that. I am simply stating the disconnection that I feel from ALL types of religion. Am I really as bad as some of these people out there? Can I truly be lumped into that category of people who are going to hell? Am I truly as bad as the murderers, rapists, juggalo's, Norwegian metal bands out there? Maybe I am. Maybe disbelief, and question ability really is enough to cast someone into Dante's basement. I guess I will find out someday.
This week my friend lost his wife. They had only been married for two months, and now she is gone. My friend is a firm believer in God, and one of the most stand up individuals you will ever meet. I have been thinking of him all day, every day since this happened. I think of how I would handle this situation. How much I would be losing myself right now. Then I think of him, and how incredibly brave and strong he is. He relies on his faith to help him, and their families through this time. That's great, really it is. I admire the man, and I can not say enough about his character, and his compassion. I am glad that he has a support system like that to keep him going, because I don't think anyone really knows how to act in a circumstance such as this. It is events like these that lead me astray from faith, while on the reverse, it can bring others even closer to it. I just honestly do not understand this world. No one does. I don't understand the reasoning behind the madness, and events that take place. My brother was only able to grace this world for mere weeks before he died. Weeks! What kind of test was that from God? To let a child be brought into this world with such physical damage, and then take him away mere weeks later? What the fuck is that? That's what some very racist people would call 'Indian giving'. Those are things that you do not ever get over. My brothers death didn't make me a stronger person, didn't give me a greater urgency for faith, didn't turn me into a crime fighting super hero. All that it did was hurt me, and it still does. If these are the ways that God is trying to get us onto his side, it is a horrible idea, and the entire marketing department in heaven really needs to re-evaluate their campaign for next year.
In conclusion, terrible things are happening everyday to extraordinary people, and apparently it is all in the name of faith. That is just something that I cannot get behind.